Grammy Cam

Man I love my gadgets.  The past 20 years have been outstanding for gadget lovers.  We’ve gone from cars with embedded phones to cars that park themselves.  Wireless technologies have brought us multiple iterations of smart phones to the point that our brains are literally carried in our pockets.  As long as we have a data plan and a signal, we can answer almost any question without any native knowledge, while our heads are solidly resident in “the cloud.”

The newest addition to our personal array of intrusive technology is a baby monitor. 

If your kids are between 15 and 30, you probably had one of the early baby monitors.  The old monitor was a simple audio device that allowed you to hear what was happening in the baby’s room.  These monitors required you to actually apply some thought and imagination to the sounds emanating from the speaker and decide how fast you needed to run to the room to intervene, interfere, referee or evacuate.

As grandparents to a 3 year old and a 3 month old, we decided to invest in a baby monitor for our home.  We discovered that in the past 15 years, these devices have become a little more Orwellian.  You can leave your brain and imagination in your pocket (there will be plenty of room created by the vacuum your money left) and just watch the tiny little monitor.  Or, you can buy a 10₵ cord for $12, plug it and watch the little gymnast in real time on your 60-Inch 1080p, 240HZ, 3D LED Home Theatre.  I recommend the small screen – makes the flying animals and campfire look less intimidating.

We had not fully grasped this technology until our granddaughter told us about her talking night light.  She’s almost 3 and has a lot of imagination, so there could be a talking “anything” in her room.  However, it turns out that my son and daughter-in-law purchased a baby monitor that has a speaker embedded in the camera, so you can talk to your kids and correct behavior without getting out of your Barca-lounger.  I’m all for it, but you need to put yourself in your kids booties.

On Monday, the day before the technology was installed in her room; our granddaughter could play, talk, sing, build a campfire or disassemble a ’46 Chevy with a certain degree of impunity.  If the noise level was kept below a certain decibel level and nobody smelled smoke – everything was fine at nap and bed time.

On Tuesday, at nap time, she was in her room engaging in the same behavior as the day before when suddenly a voice, which sounded a lot like her mom, told her to quit swinging from the curtain rods and get back into bed. The voice came from the general direction of the night-light…… So, being a bright kid, she realized she had a talking night-light.  Not only that, but it apparently has some level of authority.

I’m all for home safety and making sure the little tykes get the right amount of shut eye.  However, in the process we are teaching them a life lesson.  In not too many years, they will be managing the geriatric facility in which I may be housed and they may put the shoe on my foot.  I’ll be too old and frail to figure out how to shut off the camera and regain some privacy.  They, on the other hand, will define “privacy” differently than I, based on their early childhood experience of just a desire to get even.

The good news is that they will be able to rewind the video for the ER physician so he will know exactly how I fell off my recliner.  The bad news is that they will be able to rewind the video and post it on You Tube.

You get the picture (or video).  The future isn’t fully upon us but it’s creeping up fast.  While I’m waiting, I think I’ll work on a talking night light.